Spiritual poems and ponderings

Wedding (night)

We’re sitting on the end of a bed large enough for a whole family to camp in

Thankful for a room purchased by parents’ Tesco coupons

In the Hilton hotel, “fancy” you say

Well yes indeed, for it’s our wedding day

So yes the bed better be big (and not full of my family, camping)

And the walls better be thick

And it’s kind of weird that Mum and Dad are staying just down the corridor

BUT ANYWAY Here we are, blue heels in the corner, rented tails on the door

Opening the champagne and simultaneously putting the kettle on

Because, how do you start something you’ve waited 25 years for?


Twenty Five years of


Sunday school and youth group talks and “no boyfriends until you’re 18”

The “I kissed dating goodbye” book and America teen magazines

About purity rings and white dress dreams

Promises of it all being worth the wait

Assurances that I am worth the wait

Sincere faith, perhaps a little fear and a lot of self-protection:

Just about enough to help me say “no” and resist temptation

OK, so the boys weren’t exactly queuing up outside

But there’s definitely been some very awkward conversations about what would have to wait until I was a bride


For the most part, though, I never talk about my virginity

Let other people assume what they want about me

Don’t correct them when they wink knowingly

Don’t talk about it with my friends, really

They’re all way ahead of me

Or, some, in the same position as me

Or, pretending to be


But the day has finally arrived

And Hubby will be the first to get close and personal between my thighs

Apart from the lady who did my Brazilian (she didn’t know how privileged she was)

And I am arming myself with all the confidence of the Vagina Monologues

That my housemate performed in in the second year at University

Determined not to hide any part of me

Wondering if tonight will unleash a whole new side of me

Wondering if I’ll know how to be sexy


I’ve not had a lot of experience of male nudity

Apart from in rather a lot of plays we went to see during A-level Theatre Studies

And sex ed series on 4OD


But we’ve decided to keep the pressure off, we’re not expecting it all to go perfectly

So, shall we start with a cup of tea

And a bath — Because your first view of me is NOT going to be

In skin coloured seamless underwear all dancefloor sweaty

I mumble apologetically about the red rash the bikini wax has left

We hit the gigantic bed

We kiss, we touch, we start to…


No, not shit

But cramp! I’ve got cramp in my left foot

The kind of cramp i’ve only ever gotten when I go swimming

The kind I’ve literally not had since I was about fifteen

Sex-ed on 4OD or anybody else EVER did not prepare me adequately

I slip down onto the floor, clutching my toes

It’ll seem funny later, I suppose?

I’m so sorry love won’t be a minute

So sorry, so sorry, let’s get back to it

Let’s start again, let’s heat up the night

Let’s pour out our passion.. No wait, I’ve got cramp in my right!

By Katrina Quinn

(Thought it was time for a change of tone 😉 )

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