Jesus are you sleeping?
Jesus are you there?
Can’t you see the waves that crash and CRASH and threaten to overcome and capsize me?
They crash so loud the sound rings in my ears, filling the channels of my mind with ripples of fear.
Jesus are you sleeping?!
How can you be so carefree?
Do you care less about me?
What about me? Have you forgotten about me?
what about me?
Me me me me: that two letter word fills my world as if it’s written on every raindrop that falls on my head, blending with tears running down my cheeks and I take them all personally. Maybe I’m being ridiculous here but I can’t seem to forget me and focus on you.
Jesus are you sleeping? And if I woke you would you chide me for my lack of faith? The winds and the waves bow down so how about stopping them now? Please. Is this some kind of test? To see how far with you I’d go? Sometimes I really don’t know. But the only way is onwards because I can’t go back and I don’t want to stand still. Only be still on the inside. Is this possible in the middle of the storm?
Is the answer to join you sleeping there?
Throw my fears overboard.
Take the risk of letting out my breath and closing my eyes.
And feel you wrap your arms around me.
There in the boat in the middle of the storm.
Katrina Quinn, 2010, Stepping Beyond worship event, Southampton